


Three and a half peas in a pod

by sleepylavender



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: A bit sad too, some happy collection of stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2018-11-16 10:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11250864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepylavender/pseuds/sleepylavender
Summary: The Fujiwara couple were happy and peaceful, but felt the hollow space in their life together... that is, until they meet Natsume Takashi. For them, to meet him is to love him, and love him they do.A collection of stuff about the Fujiwara family. Gooey and cheesy maybe, but sometimes a little soul balm is necessary.





	1. Touko

Touko was perhaps a rowdy child, always with passion and an opinion. She grew with a mentality that soldiers would be jealous of, and although her small life before made her feel listless sometimes, her Shigeru swooped in with a sweet, unwavering smile. They married young and happy- and no matter what befell them, they took it with linked hands and hearts.

 

Not for a lack of trying, the two never had any children. They tried all natural methods and means to create a child for the gentle couple to give their boundless affections to, but they came up without results. Touko, always strong and ever the optimist was happy with Shigeru, and even though age began to affect them in the smallest of ways, the two were never daunted. They always took things at their own pace despite the things said about them or their upset family members. They felt as though if it wasn’t going to happen like this, they’d find another way with time and the natural way of the world’s mysteries.

 

Then came the day Shigeru came home in a mysterious flurry from the funeral and stayed that way for several weeks. Even though it was never voiced, never thought of heavily enough to inflict pain, the two wanted something to fill the quiet peace they had, to have something to love. All the animals they adopted seemed to find their way elsewhere, and they accepted the loneliness of the hollow space in their pea pod with a stoic kind of sadness. Abrupt excitement took hold of Touko as Shigeru hurried her to sit, and the moment she heard the child’s name, she just knew. She didn’t know what exactly she knew, just that the name _Natsume Takashi_ set her heart and face alight like the warm bulb of a firefly.

 

Telling her the sparse details he had managed to gather after seeing the boy from afar, they couldn’t let their chance slip away. Touko felt as though the boy was the loneliest child in the world, and had even ended up crying as she heard the stories while making dinner, only knowing what scarce bits of information Shigeru could find. She _knew_ she was going to do her best for this child. Even if this _Natsume Takashi_ didn’t accept them, she felt a child with such a tragedy in his footsteps could always have a second home with them, at the very least. Shigeru strongly agreed, taking care of most of the paper work while Touko prepared all she could think of and it gave them a new spirit in their tasks.

 

And so came the day she met the boy, the so called liar, the one who knew nothing about acceptance or family. Even if the tales were all negative of his time with his past families, if they could even be called that, she knew he, like Shigeru, and possibly any human to breathe, people and children alike needed to love and be loved.

 

It was all an excited, worried blur from the moment she met him until the hospital. Under the soft lamp light the first time they met and in the sterile hospital sheets, she met a young adolescent boy with a uncanny beauty and thin frame that seemed to haphazardly hold him up, threatening to break at a moment’s notice. She supposed she was a bit biased to want some meat on his bones, the way mothers tend, but his weight was still something very worrisome.  

 

When he seemed surprised they wanted him, her heart broke. The tears that gathered in his eyes- the expression- her broken heart shattered to the smallest, tiniest bits. How could no one want such a gentle child? By his words, actions, and expressions she knew he was perhaps even more gentle than Shigeru, and she, for all her life’s experiences, could not understand how no one ever became tangled in this child’s wonders.

 

His eyes reflected his emotions more than he knew, thankfully for Touko and Shigeru. At the rocky start, he constantly came home dirty or wet or hurt and he would only panic when they started to worry over him, insisting on doing everything himself. His eyes were strangely real in their panic, and yet glazed looking, like glass. He lied skillfully-  he was always so reserved around them, and there was so much they didn’t know about him besides that. What food did he like, what colors did he favor? What made the boy laugh, or cry?

 

There were many long nights after he came to their home and kept them bewildered and confused as to _how_ to show their love to someone that didn’t know its language in the first place. All they knew to do was merely being there with him, for him.  Otherwise, he’d just try to push away their worried faces with a smile full of nothing, with those glass eyes that had no crinkled edges, no humor.

 

That was how they first learned to disarm him of his locks.

 

Touko would begin to find ways to make the boy stay home around those times and ever so slowly, he seemed to begin to understand that he was not a burden but rather, accepted in their home and being loved.

 

He would have the strangest trances of watching something that wasn’t there, or suddenly yell or start running, but how he smiled naturally reassured Touko that the boy was an absolutely normal child. Whatever his strange ‘lies’ were or things that had happened to him as a little one, he was just a boy, after all, with a sadness and pain she hoped they could replace with love and laughter.

 

And then he came to them with his first request.

 

They had thought about getting an animal to give Natsume company after he seemed to have a slow start to making friends, but he seemed to beat them to the punch. He brought home quite possibly the oddest creature she and Shigeru had ever laid eyes upon, but it was cute (read: perhaps a rather... subjective adjective for the creature) and friendly and most of all, got along with Takashi so well, she sometimes felt the kitty was an extension of him, like another arm or leg or brother. The cat ate so much and had so much personality, it was like having another child.

 

She had been so happy to hear that he _wanted_ something, she had been just dancing to grant his wish. If Shigeru had said no- not that he would- she would’ve fought to her last breath to change Shigeru’s mind- the cat was just so _important_ to Takashi.

 

Getting Takashi to smile naturally or laugh freely and lower his guard long enough, was becoming less of pure miracles was where they had gotten, but with the kitty, he seemed to relax much, much more. His quick but warm temper would peek through with the constantly misbehaving cat, and Takashi seemed to inch out of his shell, bit by bit.

 

He then began to make friends with the inseparable duo Kitamoto and Nishimura and learned to play too, which made Touko so happy she cried yet again, but for other, happier reasons. Shigeru had said his birthday with Takashi in the family had been one of his happiest days on the earth. With Takashi in their family, it finally felt complete. 

 

 

Slowly, the boy opened up to them and adapted to having a happy, stable home, even relying them or worrying them sometimes, or rather the latter a lot, but they were absolutely overjoyed.

 

Touko couldn’t help but brag to all her friends and it seemed amongst their children that he was indeed still circulating weird rumors here or there, but not nearly like as they had been as a child. Touko didn’t know what that child knew or saw, but she did know that she wasn’t letting go of that precious boy without a fight. No matter what.

 

On their first White Day he gave her chocolate cookies he baked, with he and Shigeru notably absent in the week. Taking a small bite out of one, she felt her emotions overflow and tears started to stream. Before she knew it, a gentle hand held a handkerchief to her eyes, dabbing them softly as though she’d break like fragile china.

 

“Takashi-kun, I’m so happy you came to live with us.” She quietly sobbed, unable to comprehend just how happy she was. It was truly overwhelming and overflowing and she didn't know if she had ever felt so blessed, so lucky before in her life.

 

She and Shigeru had been a peaceful pair, satisfied and happy. But this awkward, growing boy between them, it had multiplied by countless, enormous amounts. “We love you so much, Takashi-kun!” He wasn't their biological child but he was as well as their own any way about it.

 

He shuffled on his feet, seemingly completely dumbstruck, furiously messing with his hands before freezing stiff. “Is it alright… um… Is it okay for me to love you and Shigeru too?”

 

She laughed a little, taking him into a bear hug. The silly boy had the audacity to ask to love them- as if they had a choice in loving him back. They met him and fell in love- the world’s sweetest, strangest, silliest child. How could anyone not love him so? “Of course!”

 

Touko found a raging anger during many nights, trying to figure out how his previous homes let the boy hurt so much. How many people had hurt that child, how often had they forgotten to feed him, or love him at all? How could they possibly neglect such a gentle heart? Why could they not have met him sooner, or first, and saved him from such suffering?

 

She’d only fall asleep when Shigeru would turn over and remind her that Takashi was theirs. She’d go upstairs some early mornings before starting breakfast to find that he was sound asleep, curled up against his cat, relaxed. Sometimes she’d discover new cuts or bruises littering his body, and she’d worry, but he was most importantly safe. Come that breakfast and he would smile genuinely and eat a lot. He was okay. She trusted Takashi or the kitty to tell them if he needed something.

 

So she would smile, and wait, and supported him the best she could.

 

One day, she thought back to her and Shigeru's previous loneliness. The persisting, stubborn void in their life that refused to be filled, she realized, had been waiting for Takashi and Nyankichi. Touko could not ever imagine living a life not her own, for it would mean a life without Shigeru or Takashi and his silly cat, and a life without them, for her at least, was not a life worth living. Their cozy little pea pod was just the right size for a family three and a half.


	2. Shigeru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shigeru goes to a funeral and finds what had been missing in their pea pod all along. 
> 
> Sappy? Of course, but sometimes it's necessary, like on pancakes.

Shigeru was never a person who could put his emotions to words as he liked. However, neither was he a poet or a man of the arts to alternatively express himself. He always had a hard time communicating, and there was no saving him from that.

 

As a kid, it was easily covered up with rowdiness and laughter but as he grew up, he found himself quiet and had to choose his words with much care to communicate what he felt. Because of that, he tended to leave bad impressions of himself or was easily misunderstood... but he never quite knew how to fix it.

 

Touko, however, always managed to connect where his words and his emotions never quite could. It was like magic and a small, wonderful mystery of the world.

 

Then there was the other wonderful mystery in his life, Natsume Takashi. Shigeru wasn’t as naturally inclined as Touko in child raising or confident in knowing what exactly was best for such a boy. However, what he did have was an understanding nature and a loving heart and home- which is just what Takashi needed.

 

From the first moment Shigeru eyed the boy, all battered and wobbly, threatening to fall apart from the vaguest breeze and those _eyes_ that made contact but never connected. Shigeru wouldn’t have considered himself especially sheltered but he had never seen somebody in such condition. A fragile child, and yet totally, and so absolutely alone. Worse yet, nobody seemed to _care_. How could all the many families watch him, talk to him, live with him, and still treat him so horribly?

 

There were many rumors once Shigeru started investigating, but they were all worthless. Supposedly a liar, but what did that matter? The boy apparently said a lot of creepy things to feed the rumor, but who could blame him? With all the neglect and trauma Takashi experienced, it wouldn’t be odd if mental illness had formed, or if it was a method to grab the attention of somebody, anybody who would listen. Didn’t that mean he needed more love, than to neglect, abuse and outcast him?

 

In his initial fury, never being one to do well with negative emotions, Shigeru cleaned out a room and started preparing paperwork.

 

It took him a while to work up the courage to tell Touko. Not out of fear she’d reject, as he didn’t think she would. But he seriously needed to consider it, so he slept on it for a little while, just in case, because it was a life-altering decision. Every time he asked himself about Takashi though, at multiple points throughout each day, it was an unfaltering, unwavering, impatient **_of course._ **

 

It really wasn’t even a question, if Shigeru were to be honest. And as expected, neither was it for Touko.

 

Shigeru had just heard about Takashi ending up in the hospital when he was getting the papers finalized.

 

 

 

Shigeru didn’t remember the last time he had ran- really sprinted with fear echoing in each step, as though life and death hung in the balance, and he was so consumed that he barely managed to tell Touko before they bolted out the door.

 

Normally his emotions were too complex and vague to put into sure and concrete language but his heart was a screaming tempest of concern and panic, praying to any god, anybody that would listen that the boy was okay, flying through all sorts of possible scenarios that could’ve happened. They made it to a train in record time, and when Shigeru and Touko held sweaty, nervous hands for the first time in a while, he knew that her thoughts were just as turbulent as his own.

 

The hospital waiting area was horrible. The only news they were given was that his life was not in critical danger. Apparently, it had seemed like a possible attempt on his life, found at the base of a cliff a fair bit away. They couple squeezed hands, buzzing with worry but happy that if nothing else, Takashi was alive. He was okay _._

 

However, because the Fujiwaras weren’t his biological family and his paperwork was so jumbled, they weren’t allowed in until his momentary foster mother finally gave them permission.

 

Actually, gave permission was a kinder set of words since the foster mother was upset and told them to ‘deal with such an ungrateful, troublesome kid if they cared so much.’

 

But they did care, and they would.

 

Anger visibly fretted his wife, her brow and expression creasing further, but Shigeru shook his head. “Touko.” Nothing else was required, a tired smile replacing her tension.

 

There were many anxious questions left unspoken as they made their way to the boy’s room, silent but communicating with gentle thumb rubs and soft, worried squeezes.

 

No matter how many times they asked each other, or agonized over possibilities, they knew they only had one answer.

 

No matter how, who or what he ended up being, they would love him just the same. Rather, they already loved the lonely boy and would only grow to love him more, so they only needed to figure out how he needed that love.

 

The moment Takashi woke up, though, and the couple saw his eyes, all their fears vanished.

 

Glittering, earnest tears may have fogged them up a bit but Takashi’s honest, desperate _want_ and _longing_ to be with them, to know them, to love them like their own mirroring desires told Shigeru all he needed to know that the three of them would be just fine. After all, if people had the intense desire to know one another and be with one another, the connection was already there.

 

And the moment Takashi asked to live with them, they were already becoming real and true family.

 

 

Shigeru often wished he could understand the enigmatic Takashi like Touko understood himself.

 

Or rather, it was in specific moments. What was shared in the secret language between Takashi and Nyangoro? The cat was obviously… rather unique in both design and personality and sometimes he swore the faux lucky cat smelled like sake. Once, Shigeru had a nightmare where it talked like an old, grouchy man. (Every time Shigeru seemed to dream about Nyangoro, the chubby feline got increasingly peculiar.)

 

Or the time Takashi was alone in a mysteriously wrecked, paper covered room?

 

Takashi was never, ever an unreasonable child (to the point where Touko would get exceedingly worried when the boy even began to slightly inch toward such behavior, and Shigeru himself would only wish the boy was moreso.) and so the event was odd but not unwelcome. Takashi couldn’t explain what happened, either. Shigeru wasn’t hurt or offended the boy was unable to share, but he did wish he could understand what the boy thought, or saw, when his eyes turned distant and marble like.

 

At that moment with paper fluttering unnaturally in the air, Shigeru felt as though even if Takashi explained it, he and Touko would still be missing something important, something lost in translation.

 

A similar moment happened when their boy saw the albino partner of Touko’s crow friend.

 

At first, they had been worried for Touko’s eyes and so she got a check up. However, it was still the same vision she always had.

 

Then, Shigeru remembered the rumors circulating the host families that took him in. Perhaps they were true in a sense- if Takashi saw something they didn’t, then it wouldn’t be strange for hasty people to call the boy a liar. Shigeru went through some of his initial investigative work and rediscovered Takashi’s grandmother, Natsume Reiko, who Takashi was occasionally compared to.

 

She too, was recalled as distant and strange, telling ‘lies’ before up and disappearing.

 

It made sense of Takashi’s often shaken facial expressions and paleness that came seemingly out of nowhere, or sudden yelling in the middle of the night. Perhaps the oddity that was Nyangoro was even something a part of the distant world that Takashi saw.

 

… And perhaps, while investigating once more on a sleepless night, Shigeru drank too much sake without noticing. He put away the dusty file and checked on Takashi, like he did rarely. Shigeru tried his best to only do it when he was really worried.

 

He tried not to worry as much as Touko, who was more renowned in that aspect and generally had it covered. He didn’t want to suffocate Takashi who had to grow fiercely independent in his circumstances, and who was too gentle to complain if he did feel suffocated. Sometimes though, when Touko’s anger riled up during the quiet of the night, after he reasoned with her and she fell asleep, it seemed to transfer onto him. Then he couldn’t sleep until he either saw Takashi, who was normally sleeping like the dead with Nyangoro, or would stay up in his study on the second floor, waiting for the sliding _click_ of Takashi’s door on the days he was not.

 

Touko, on those days, would find Shigeru before breakfast and prepare him coffee while he slept in a little more back in their room until it was served, although it definitely wasn’t often.

 

 

 

Shigeru and Touko initially had been worried about the lonely Takashi making friends- and strangely, Takashi made friends but they were sometimes a bit… odd.

 

Nishimura and Kitamoto were both very sweet, understanding boys and helped drag Takashi into a sense of normalcy. Taki and Tanuma were both also very understanding and seemed to provide a space for Takashi to be just himself. Takashi seemed to bloom splendidly with his friends despite their worries, instilling a childishness in their boy’s life that they weren’t sure he ever got to really have, nor were they certain they could still give to him.

 

They were eternally grateful that Takashi seemed to have found wonderful people to surround himself with, but then there was the odd one, similar to Nyangoro in a sense of being a sort of once-in-a-lifetime find.

 

Natori Shuuichi, the actor taking Japanese hearts by storm.

 

Shigeru wasn’t sure which was more odd: the cat or the famous actor.

 

Natori was perfectly nice, but how did Takashi, a quiet, gentle child end up meeting someone like that? Of course, Shigeru wasn’t one to pry and Touko figured it was fate, just like the cat.  

 

Shigeru wasn’t certain what the man went through, but his dazzling, sparkling smile was just as full of nothing as Takashi’s when he started living with them, and sometimes still was, often when his eyes were empty and similar to glass.

 

How Takashi found a kindred spirit in Natori Shuuichi, he wasn’t sure, but Shigeru was insanely thankful. Takashi was too kind of a boy to really share what pained him, what lurked in his loneliness, but if he found someone similar to him in that way that understood, maybe he wouldn’t have to, similar in nature to what Shigeru had with Touko.

 

All his friends were very understanding _of_ Takashi, but it was different to truly understand him, in ways even Touko and himself could not.

 

Perhaps it was the spirits of his parents looking out for him, or the similar Natsume Reiko, or maybe even the blessing of Nyangoro, but Natsume Takashi seemed to have people that cared for him despite the lack of blood, and Shigeru couldn’t ask for more. He and Touko were happy with a gentle boy and a mischievous pudgy cat filling their home with heart and laughter, and their boy had the love and support he deserved, finally.

 

The three and a half peas in a pod were having a wondermous life, and despite the way things tend to, Shigeru could only selfishly wish for everything to stay the same- he wouldn’t want any other life, or at least any one without Touko, Takashi, and Nyangoro. He knew Takashi was going to grow and change, and he was so, so worried for what the boy’s life would bring, but with a family of both friends like Nishimura, Kitamoto, Taki, Tanuma and Natori looking out for him, and Touko, Nyangoro and himself, no matter what happened, they wouldn’t let Takashi be alone like he had been.

 

The space in their pea pod was finally filled with more than they ever expected, the awkward growth of their boy bringing more joy, warmth and sweet gentle smiles than they thought ever possible, and Shigeru wouldn’t, couldn’t, really, have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this chapter is as strong but hopefully some of Shigeru was successfully explored. He's a bit unobtrusive but I think very essential for Takashi, providing what Touko can't by nature, like a parental yin and yang. She's sort of a well meaning busy body which our lovely protag needs, but he also needs space to breathe and be let to his own business which Shigeru finds important, which our lovely protag also needs. (Shigeru is a Good Considerate Dad and I wish we knew more about him.)
> 
> If you wanna discuss the show/manga or the story and you feel up to it, please leave your thoughts below, and thank you very, very much for reading!


	3. Natsume I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsume has a troublesome life as normal.
> 
> This chapter is a bit darker, but then, where would this world be without semi-sweet chocolate? What purpose would fluff have if it had no aching heart to soothe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. (Also, if anyone has some time and an interest in beta-ing, that would be very, very immensely helpful? I'm going crazy editing without a second opinion and hearing nothing but my own voice, haha. ha...)

It wasn’t unusual for one Natsume Takashi to have near death experiences on the daily.

 

It wasn’t unusual for them to target the Book of Friends.

 

It wasn’t unusual for Nyanko-sensei to be away while this was happening, either.

 

However, it _was_ unusual for one to hit so close to home. This time, a yokai with an eye on the Book of Friends tried to trick him by using his loved ones, the scariest type of yokai. The cunning, planning type with malicious intent.

 

Natsume wanted to believe the best in everybody he met. From the dog’s circle to the raven who fell in love with a human or Tama, the one they raised from an egg, they were all extremely colorful and generally brightened up his life. However, this one did not fall into that broad category. It had been stalking him for almost a week, and finally displayed its true colors.

 

“Takashi-kun!” Touko cried out, writhing in agony, tied up by rope, hanging ever so perilously off the cliff. Her thin frame was battered around by the wind, just precariously hanging, hanging.

 

Shigeru was strapped tightly to a tree by rough gnarled branches, screaming as the mastermind yokai's partner inched closer with a butcher knife inching closer, closer. “Takashi-kun!”

 

The mastermind yokai was smiling, near angelically. “You can try to save them, Natsume Takashi. You cannot save both, however. Either death ensues at least one of them today, or you hand over the Book of Friends.”

 

It was a situation straight out of his nightmares.

 

“Don’t worry about me, Takashi-kun, save Shigeru!” Touko yelled, her voice impossibly small and unnaturally loud against the raging wind.

 

Shigeru pulled at the branches holding him hostage but with futile results. “No, focus on Touko! I’ll be fine, just worry about her!”

 

It was by far the most painful choice of his life, choosing to do nothing. His legs begged to run to them, his body itched to just save one, at least one. But his voice remained unused, his body still.

 

 _This isn't real_ , Natsume reminded himself, despite the shock, the pain still registering within him. 

 

“Liar!” They roared. Their voices were rough with emotion, Touko growing weak in the wind and Shigeru with the knife against his throat.

 

“Will you really let them die, just for the Book of Friends, Natsume Takashi?” The mastermind yokai looked at Natsume thoughtfully. The yokai took a step forward, narrowing its snake-like eyes. “I thought you were soft… Maybe not. I suppose I’ll just have to keep to my threats, even if they mean nothing to a **monster** like you.”

 

Natsume shut his eyes as he waited for the sound of knife on bark, the sound of a rope slipping met his ears. However, Natori’s smooth chanting greeted him instead, confident and steady.

 

Madara’s heavy growl intruded, gruff. “Stay in the circle if you don’t wanna die, pip squeak.”

 

When Natsume opened his eyes paper was fluttering in the brilliant sunset. Natori was placing a final seal on the jar and Hiiragi and the others were chasing the accomplice, while Nyanko-sensei bounded over to him.

 

“Oii! This wouldn’t have happened if you didn't make yourself a target all the time! The book is so thin now… Give me the book and you won’t have to care anymore. Or, oh, buy me manju! Do both!”

 

The tired boy rolled his eyes, cracking a very small, frail smile at his very fat cat.

 

“Thank you, Natori-san.”

 

“Eh?! Natsume, Natsume are you going to thank me? Natsume, I worked hard for once, Natsume!” Nyanko-sensei complained, a bit more energetically than normal.

 

Natori smiled but it was off as well. He seemed more pensive than usual. “Let me walk you home, Natsume.”

 

Natsume couldn’t figure out why. It wasn’t an unusual chain of events, after all. Vengeful yokai, although normally not so clever as to learn about his loved ones and recreate them with magic as hostages, did tend to go after him on occasion. The boy just couldn't figure out what he was missing.

 

That is, until he touched his face. It occurred to him that they had been avoided mentioning it for his sake.

 

“Oh.” Natsume murmured. He was crying. “No, that’s okay Nato-”

 

* * *

 

 

When Natsume woke up, he was in his bed, at home with Sensei at his side. Everything was in its place, although it was darker than when he was last awake. Surprisingly enough, he slept without nightmares.

 

“Sensei?”

 

Madara’s large head shifted slightly.

 

“Thank you, Sensei.” Natsume whispered quietly, his hands grasping silky silver fur.

 

“About time you thanked me, ungrateful brat.” Sensei returned to his cat form. “That shady guy is still here. You should talk to him so he’ll leave already.”

 

Natsume never quite got Nyanko-sensei’s discomfort of Natori. It’d be one thing if it was because the actor was an exorcist, but that didn’t seem to be all of it. After all, such a grand yokai wouldn’t let something like that bother him, and especially for so long. The shady bit was true maybe, but Natori was never without his reasons.

 

He went downstairs to see Shigeru and Touko talking with Natori.

 

“Natori-san, are you sure your eating well?” Touko asked, watching the man with intense eyes. They were the eyes of a soldier, unyielding, with an unquestionable maternal purpose. Terrifying eyes that Natsume had few defenses against.

 

Natori laughed- a bit nervously? was he, the prince of sparkly smiles and flowery language, intimidated? “Ah, yes. I have to eat out a lot since I’m not home very often, but I have to keep healthy for work. Nothing to worry about here. Is that why you gave me that delicious jam the other day, Touko-san?”

 

“Takashi-kun said your fridge was empty, and- oh, Takashi-kun!” Touko zeroed in on Natsume, suddenly inspecting his face before he knew what was happening. Her hand was like a feather dancing across his forehead, the fine lines of her face defining with worry. “If you aren’t feeling well, say something about it...” She began to lecture him on his fragile health when Shigeru put a hand on her shoulder.

 

He smiled at Natsume gently, similarly sighing with relief. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Takashi-kun, but don’t overdo it, okay? I’m sure it wasn’t his intention, Touko.”

 

Her small frame- safe, in their home, on safe ground in their safe, warm home- relaxed with a sigh. “Be careful, Takashi-kun, please. Say something if- oh.”

 

Natsume hugged her, so so _so_ glad that she was okay. Touko was okay, and that was all that mattered.

 

Natsume quickly turned to hug Shigeru, making sure to briefly account for each body part. Shigeru made a similar sound of surprise. “Takashi-kun, are you alright- oh. Me too then.”

 

Natsume promptly turned back to face the shady actor. “Thank you, Natori-san. I’m sorry about that. You didn’t carry me home, did you?”

 

“Eh?” The man murmured, distracted. “Uh, it wasn’t anything big. You’re pretty light... You sure you’re okay, though?”

 

It took the boy a few beats to realize why Natori had asked the question with a bewildered expression. Tomato red, Natsume slowly turned to face his guardians. So relieved he had been he had _hugged_ Touko-san _and_ Shigeru. And _thought nothing of it._

 

 _The horror._ This was quite possibly the most mortifying moment of his entire existence.

 

“Shi-shi-shigeru-san, T-touko-san, I… I’m so sorry, I-I just had a nightmare and I was so glad you two are o-okay and-”

 

The two smiled at him gently, if not still a bit shocked.

 

Touko chuckled lightly and Shigeru just shook his head fondly, smiling a bit wider than Natsume had ever seen him smile before.

 

Before the embarrassing moment was cemented into their memories, Natsume dragged Natori outside, claiming to be ‘seeing him off’ instead of the more obvious ‘escaping.’

 

“I guess it’s really not so bad there, with them.” The exorcist said after some thoughtful silence. “But, if you do get tired of the lying, and the worry… my offer still stands.”

 

Natsume still wasn’t sure why Natori was so open with his home to a mess like himself. Not to mention, if Natori nearly had a heart attack every time they worked together, Natsume hated to think of what the actor would feel  _living_ together. “Thank you, Natori-san, but I still… I want to be with them a little while longer.” _I want to be with them for as long as they’ll have me_ , he thought. His heart squeezed with the familiar clutching pain at the thought of the inevitable future.

 

Natori headed off, with Hiiragi taking a moment to stay and stare at the boy. “They’re something worth cherishing, indeed.”

 

Natsume felt as though he had just been given a startling, sudden gift. “Thank you for saying so, Hiiragi.”

 

That night the Fujiwara two and the Natsume one, and the fat cat had a comfortable evening like usual, a happy three and a half peas in a pod. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this part is short but hopefully the second half will make up for it!
> 
> Was this chapter too vague? I was trying not to be so explicit but the story may have suffered for it unintentionally. 
> 
> If you wanna discuss the show/manga or the story and you feel up to it, please leave your thoughts/criticism below, and thank you very, very much for reading!


	4. Natsume II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happiness, of course, is only possible by knowing what sadness is.
> 
> Sweetness is paired with bitterness, to create a complex flavor that can appreciate both. However, sweetness must outweigh bitterness in chocolate because otherwise, it would taste too sharp.
> 
> Likewise, Natsume has a bitter past, but can truly appreciate the sweetness of being loved.

As luck would have it, Natsume fell prey to illness not long after.

 

Touko’s fists squeezed tight as she watched her boy gasping through raspy breaths, fighting even for minimal sleep. It wasn’t the first time he’d been sick with them and very likely not the last, but extremely worrisome all the same. The silly boy had to find the courage to tell them that he was sick after Tanuma dragged him over from school that day. Natsume’s words had been muted and meek, his eye contact flighty, and hands shaky. He was hanging onto Tanuma like his lifeline, or rather, being entirely held up by the very worried Tanuma.

 

Rightly so, as Natsume’s condition was completely awful. Touko dreaded to think of the possibilities if Natsume had been alone, or worse, running away like he had when they first met.

 

Despite the genuine smiles and the gentle laughter that let Touko know he was at _home_ with them, it wasn’t so easy to dilute his bad memories with the happier ones.

 

Every time with a scene like that, his voice terrified and his eyes ashamed, her heart was ravaged again, and quivered at the idea of all the pain he had faced- all alone.

 

Totally, completely, absolutely, alone.

 

She was a person on unfamiliar terms with hate, and yet harbored very dark emotions for those who neglected his body and his heart. Touko hadn’t ever felt real, blinding rage until she’d met Natsume.

 

Even when Shigeru tried to feel his forehead that morning, Natsume flinched. That was what started the whole thing. He looked absolutely ghastly before breakfast, but then again, blanched and faint wasn’t exactly abnormal fashion for the boy either. Touko was worried but not any more than normal, as his deathly pallor didn’t always mean something was wrong. Just as often, he’d come home bickering with the mischievous Nyankichi, animated and lively.

 

Touko had thought they’d watch him patiently… at worst, a fever, like normal. But this? This was much worse than she anticipated. If only she had-

 

“Touko.” Shigeru lightly chided her, breaking her from her thoughts.

 

“Sorry, Shigeru. I know I can’t be down like this, but… if I had just made him stay home…”

 

He sat next to her, giving her a sad smile. “I should’ve just checked his temperature, even if he was uncomfortable. It would’ve been better than this, no?”

 

The two sighed, sitting next to each other quietly. The doctor, now a rather familiar face for them, announced his arrival.

 

“Pneumonia.” The doctor confirmed. “Luckily, there isn’t any fluid buildup. Considering his fragile condition, I’d say keep him home for at least a week. As long as he takes the antibiotics and takes it easy, he’ll be okay.”

 

* * *

 

 

Natsume found himself awake, under the watchful eye of an unfamiliar doctor and Touko.

 

“Thank goodness.” Touko smiled lightly, although the weight lingering in the corner of her eyes didn’t lift. Her composure was graceful as always but something lurked beneath, an emotion he couldn’t discern. “Oh, Takashi-kun, you should rest up. Shigeru is making some tea right now, but feel free to fall asleep. We can make some more later too.”

 

Her kind, light hand laid on his forehead and then ruffled his hair... something simple, but somehow intensely meaningful.

 

How could he deserve such soft, warm love? He couldn’t imagine taking his father’s hand for granted to not even remember it, not when another person’s hand could sweeten the bitter taste of living so much. To have someone care for you, love you...

 

Before the Fujiwaras, what did he live for? He didn’t remember. He had no friends, no family, no purpose.

 

He just lived. Hoping to change the cycle maybe, maybe waiting to be an adult to be alone. But what worth did being alone have? It just meant he wasn’t being hurt, and that he couldn’t hurt others.

 

It was fact, that he had wanted to be alone especially when he was younger. Forever, all by himself. Death could’ve been an avenue but it caused trouble and wasted what his mother tried so hard to create. Even if they hadn’t been all that nice, so many people had let him into their families, their homes. So much kindness he had to pay back, so many things he had yet to learn about.

 

And maybe… maybe he was always waiting for people like the Fujiwaras. Waiting for somebody, anybody, to see something worthwhile in him, see something in him worth loving.

 

Because of them, he hoped to be someone who could find that something worth loving in everybody- human, yokai or other.

 

Shigeru’s footsteps distracted him from his thoughts, but Natsume didn’t have it in him to open his eyes, to listen on the conversation. Before he knew it, sleep gripped him, swiftly and with little notice.

 

* * *

 

Natsume was small, and alone. Always, always alone. No matter how many families he stayed with, no matter how many faces and voices and people he met, he was still totally. Utterly. Alone.

 

_If I died, no one would care. If I cry, no one would care. Not really, truly care._

 

Friendless, without a family, without anything to justify his existence.

 

_Why am I here?_

 

He yearned to be nothing, as that way, no one would have to say “I have too much on my plate!” or “He’s too creepy!” or “I’m not being paid enough to do this!”

 

_That way, no one would be bothered._

 

How could one find their way into so many homes, so many families, and still not be loved?

 

 _Liar. Creepy._ **_Monster._** If it was said so often, the words held a kernel of truth, right?

 

Natsume was small, alone, and curled up in a ball even in a dream.

 

A cold hand clutched his shoulder. “My my, Natsume-dono. Such a depressive dream. I am hungry, and I eat dreams. May I eat yours?”

 

His little, tiny hands were bunched up tight. He shivered almost spastically- he was so lonely, so afraid, so cold… “N-no!” Natsume screamed and ran. Yokai were scary, after all. The Enemy. They were why even as a human, a social specie, that he could not find anyone to love him. Anyone at all.

 

It was the yokai’s fault. They were why he was always, always alone.

 

They were why he was always, always afraid.

 

Little Natsume tumbled into another place- a home. Which one? Not his.

 

He had been in too many homes, the house and the family that stayed in them all blurred together. They were all the same, after all.

 

Not his.

 

He found sitting at a table, hungry like always. For food, for love, for warmth.

 

“I’m sorry, Takashi-kun, I’m too tired to cook.”

 

He tried to smile, but he was almost certain it failed flat. “That’s okay…”

 

He slept in a futon in the living room. She had laid out breakfast that morning, although it was cold when he got to it. He waited for ages, and the next day she didn’t come home. “Work.” She had said over the phone that night.

 

There wasn’t food he could cook in the house. He found some stale chips, but that was all. His stomach wailed but sometimes he could forget about it. But it kept coming back, again and again.

 

It may have been only a few hours since she left, it could’ve been weeks. He forgot to check, he had no reason to remember. It all blended together until he had to leave the hunger and yokai in the house drove him out.

 

She said not to but he couldn’t take it any longer.

 

Eventually, a cop found him and became very alarmed when he relayed the situation.

 

Her name came back to him… _Emi-san._ She dragged him to her home from the station after they gave him some food and asked her some questions. Embarrassment and guilt shined hot in her eyes.

 

“How could you go to the police, Natsume?” She cried out, angry. He was used to this- the severing moment. He would be leaving very soon.

 

He looked down at his bare feet. The edge of his shirt was suddenly very appealing. “I’m sorry, Emi-san… I was just so hungry…”

 

“I was going to have Ba-chan bring you food later, I was only gone for a little while… Why didn’t you call me, at least?! I could’ve been arrested!”

 

Her nails were suddenly digging into his shoulder, the flesh on his arm. It hurt.

 

Still, he did not look up from the oh so appealing edge of his shirt. A shirt from someone, somewhere that they didn’t want. Like him. “You're always so busy and you told me not to call you at work last time… I…”

 

“Bullshit! You wanted to humiliate me like that, didn’t you?! You know I’m a doctor so my reputation-”

 

He closed his eyes wishing to be alone somewhere, dark and quiet, wishing for it to be over. He wasn’t quite sure what ‘it’ all concerned, but he was so, so tired of the cycle…

 

The sharp nails and loud voice eventually disappeared. He felt a bit taller, a bit stronger.

 

Still just a frail, small child though.

 

The house this time was a bit more memorable. A nice big house, with a couple living in it.

 

Akira and Yukiko Sakamoto were their names. They were… nice. Maybe.

 

Yukiko was making dinner. It was delicious and warm. She was laughing while they ate. Akira was smiling. He was always smiling. It was very different from what he was used to.

 

They eventually went to work and Natsume checked out his new home.

 

The buzzer rang. “Natsume-dono… I am very hungry. You’re very sad. Are you sure you don’t want me to eat it?” The unwelcome voice from before.

 

Natsume locked the deadbolt and went on with his business.

 

Eventually, Akira came back. “Haha, Takashi-kun, what are you doing just loafing around? I’ll take you out this weekend when I’m off work. You must’ve been so bored all day, sorry bud.”

 

It was refreshing to hear ‘bud’ not being used when people felt guilty. Like the eventual “this couple will love you bud, I know it,” or the “sorry, buddy, this is just how life is, believe me, it's not like we wanted things to turn out this way.” Natsume shook his head.

 

“I’m used to it.” He stated as it was obvious. He was.

 

Akira frowned. He seemed like a good man. “Well, that’s not okay.”

 

Things had been nice, with the laughter, smiles, warmth. They even called him by his first name. Natsume wasn’t used to it but it was… it was so much more than ‘nice.’ Delightful, amazing, wonderful, he felt human! Normal, almost. The area was new construction and had few yokai. He was concealing his sight pretty well.

 

However, just as Natsume started to get comfortable, things got weird.

 

One night Yukiko went to have dinner with some friends.

 

Akira drank. A lot.

 

“Takashi-kunnn.” Akira hummed, smiling. “Are you sad Yukiko isn’t home?”

 

“Well, your here, Sakamoto-san.” Natsume smiled, pleased to be spending rare time with Akira.

 

“Well, I am.” Akira sighed, frowning. “I bet you she’s cheating on me with her friend, Abe-kun. He’s handsome and really smart. You’d like him, I think.”

 

It had been a relaxed conversation, eating dinner and talking. At the time, the statement had felt like nothing more than a joke. Natsume had no idea how quickly things would change.

 

Yukiko got home late and the moment the door opened, Akira was upset. Natsume had been asleep, with Akira’s loud voice woke him up. “You come home at the crack of dawn?! You could’ve called, at least!”

 

“A-akira, you’ll wake up Takashi-kun.”

 

He laughed, but there was no humor. It was more than empty, but filled with something nasty. “So you admit to it, huh? First night on your own since we got engaged and you’re cheating on me!”

 

Natsume covered his ears and shut his eyes as tightly as possible, trying his best to be smaller, to disappear into nothingness.

 

“Natsume-dono?” The yokai from earlier was sitting next to him, suddenly. The yokai seemed to suck the warmth from the air, cold radiating off him in a clingy, suffocating fog. The supernatural being was close enough that Natsume could feel it’s breath on his neck.

 

The boy no longer had the ability to judge who was scarier, who to run from- the yokai, or the humans.

 

“Let me eat this sad, scary dream, Natsume-dono.” The yokai asked, practically begging. The yokai… empathized with Natsume? Or was it just hungry, ravenous for a tasty dream laced with sorrow?

 

It was a true rock and a hard place moment, and he had nowhere to run. Akira was getting increasingly loud.

 

“I…” Natsume could find no words, no way out of his situation.

 

* * *

 

“Bastard, get out of Natsume’s head.”

 

A gravelly, familiar voice stirred Natsume back to the waking world. “Sen… sei?”

 

“I only eat dreams that the deamer gives me permission to eat.” A thinner voice indignantly barked. “I may be ‘stealing’ the dream, but believe me, Madara, all I feast on are nightmares.”

 

Natsume realized that Nyanko-sensei had protectively coiled around him, silver fur blocking his sight on all sides. The large beast scoffed. “Your breed always fails to mention that you steal the memories that the dream resides in as well. And that is, if you keep to that promise. Considering how much work you put into becoming his fake doctor, I'm certain your motives weren't so pure.”

 

“Why are you acting so righteous, servant beast of Natsume-dono?” The mystery yokai purred, “When you know this is a perfectly good chance for your master to depart from his painful past. Aren’t you keeping your master from a chance at happiness?”

 

Madara tensed. “Master? Servant? Please.” Natsume was gently dropped on the floor as the beast stood taller in the cramped space. “He is my prey, and I won’t tolerate you nibbling on him first, welp.” A blue light filled the room and Nyanko-sensei returned to his normal form.

 

A beat of silence passed as Natsume studied Nyanko-sensei, who was oddly quiet.

 

“What was that about, Sensei?”

 

The fat cat looked at him. “That was a Dreamwalker. They make deals with yokai and humans to eat your nightmares, but they also take the memory that goes with the nightmares." The yokai sighed. "Why do you have to be such a trouble magnet, Natsume? I demand two of your shrimp tempura tomorrow night!”

 

The manekineko’s silly nature made the exhausted boy smile.

 

“Not that I’m not grateful, but why did you stop him?”

 

Nyanko-sensei huffed. “You didn’t say yes, did you? And what great beast would I be if I let someone taste my prey first, foolish boy?!”

 

Natsume had indeed felt crushed in his dreams, but just knowing that Nyanko-sensei had kept watch, and cared, had made him appreciate his feline friend once more. “Thank you, Sensei.”

 

“Yeesh! You’re creeping me out!” The yokai faked a shiver. “You should stop getting sick, kid- your friends and Touko and Shigeru have been worried. You’ve been out a few days.”

 

The boy’s heart felt hot with all the love he had been receiving- his friends had left homework, notes, and origami cranes on his desk, along with a prepared snack on the table from Touko. The dog’s circle was outside, dancing and waving upon seeing him awake. He had people and yokai waiting for him, hoping for his happiness.

 

Natsume had always been living with a persisting, stubborn loneliness. It was like a void was constantly following underfoot, threatening to drag him down into an eternally unhappy existence.

 

However, with the warm happiness he now had, he realized that all the loneliness was all leading to his home with Touko and Shigeru, and with Nyanko-sensei, and they who led to his wonderful friends; the yokai and Taki and Tanuma, Nishimura and Kitamoto, Natori and his familiars. His experiences now were sometimes terrifying and scary, like with the Matoba family, and his past was overwhelmingly sad and lonely. But.

 

But, it all lead to his life now, with his wonderful friends, human and yokai alike who cared for him, and his family, who loved him. This blessed existence he had, with his 3 and a half pea pod family of Touko, Shigeru, and Nyanko-sensei, was something only possible due to his past, and something that he wouldn’t change, not for the world.

 

He was happier than he ever felt possible, and he wouldn’t, definitely wouldn’t, change any of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so incredibly long to post? Whoops ^^'
> 
> I know these last two chapters are a bit different, but I figured that Natsume had different daily experiences than most people do, right? I feel like this chapter is a bit rough, but I wanted to express Natsume's views and themes a bit differently. 
> 
> If you wanna discuss the show/manga or leave your thoughts on the story and you feel up to it, please leave your thoughts below! I hope you enjoyed at least a little, and I hope you have a great day!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really a person to write short stories (you can probably tell, ahah...) but Natsume Yuujinchou has genuinely affected my life, and I just had to write something about it. When I think about, y'know, happy places, I think of Natsume Yuujinchou a lot (scary ayakashi aside) and especially the Fujiwara household. I've learned a lot from Natsume Yuujinchou and the characters are all so lovely and wonderful, I can't help but love them. (Touko is best mom)
> 
> If you wanna discuss the show/manga or the story and you feel up to it, please leave your thoughts below


End file.
